things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize