Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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