Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize