I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You left your underwear on the fireplace
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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