dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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