It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Randomize