Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize