I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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