It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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