i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We named our party play list daddy issues
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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