dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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