Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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