i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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