Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
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Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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