Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize