just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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