Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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