I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize