Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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