she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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