She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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