Porn is love you can see.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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