I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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