My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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