My nipple is on Facebook.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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