wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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