Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize