so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
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theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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