would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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