Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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