New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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