My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize