I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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