I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize