It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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