I'm going to jail i love you
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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