that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
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New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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