fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize