There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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