WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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