hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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