Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize