I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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