I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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