so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
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Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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