I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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