The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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