I was born with a shot glass in my hand
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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