halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
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Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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