i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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